My Messed up Model of how Relationships Work

Rapunzel having her mother take advantage of her.

Early Modelling of how to have a Relationship with Others

It’s simple, but difficult to reverse.

The Child’s Lens

If you are a parent with unmet, childhood needs, simply exploit your child to feed that void.

Step 1: Have a child.

Step 2: Set the relationship up so that they are groomed with the idea that they should shut down their own wants and needs to serve you (others).

Step 3: Consume as much of that child’s innocent vitality as you can.

Step 4: Reward child with validation and a continued relationship.

Step 5: Rinse and repeat forever.


If you were a child who had parents like that but are now grown up, here’s what’s happening now and what to do about it:

Step 1: Tap into your deep resentment towards them. There is likely a ton, and if you’re not aware of it then it’s likely hurting or stressing you in some way.

Step 2: Realize and affirm to yourself that you have been taken advantage of your whole life by the people who are supposed to love you.

Step 3: Realize that you are approaching relationships today with others, in the same way that you did with your parents when you were younger. They take, you let them, and they don’t reciprocate. BTW, your parents are still doing it now.

Step 4: Realize that you are seeing relationships now through that early lens or filter, and that it’s not completely accurate anymore.

Step 5: Jump. Set boundaries between you and others and do so in blind faith. You are anxious that the world will pull away completely if you do so plow right through it. Some people will leave you, not everyone though.

Do step 5 forever, especially with your parents, and watch yourself change and heal.


P.S. Step 5 requires your anger. Anger is good if it’s used to take care of yourself. Become friends with yours and show it to others. It’s part of you.

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