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This is what it sometimes feels like when dealing with the anxiety that is my fear of anger.
It is like carrying around a heavy weight all day and all night long, no breaks. The weight consists of fear, shame and unexpressed anger.
It is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life and the most fatiguing. And because of that the most rewarding and most meaningful. Still sucks sometimes though.
It’s like bearing your cross and every now and then looking up to see how far you’ve come only to realize you barely moved. Over time I’ve seen change, after a couple of years now I can look back and see the difference, see how far I have traveled. Again, still sucks at times.
The biggest difference though is that the weight feels lighter over time. It’s still tiring just not as debilitating.
I need to grow bigger muscles. I need to grow my anger.
– FOA
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